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Understanding the myths about boys and the boy code

Myth Reality Myth 1: Boys will be boys "Where there are boys, there is testosterone, and where there is testosterone there is aggression, and where there is aggression, there is violence, or at least its potential.

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The truth is that while it may determine patterns of behavior, it does not determine a boy's behavior. Boys are as much products of nurture as they are of nature. Boys should be boys Boys must fit the gender stereotype or "gender straitjacket" society has for them--tough, dominant, "macho". There are many ways to be masculine.

The Boy Code

Sensitivity, a close maternal attachment and activities that are not traditionally masculine are natural and do not make a boy any less manly in adulthood.

Boys are toxic The belief that boys are "psychologically unaware, emotionally unsocialized creatures. They may have different patterns of behavior and learn and communicate through action, but they are as capable of being sensitive and empathic as girls are. Top How Boys Communicate As Pollack debunks the myths that boys understanding the myths about boys and the boy code less empathic and loving than girls, he exposes the patterns of behavior and emotional responses that are specific to them.

While girls communicate verbally, boys express their emotions through actions rather than words, seeking attachment indirectly through activities or play. By understanding the pattern of how boys deal with emotional pain or a blow to self-esteem, parents can, Pollack writes, understand how and when to talk to adolescent boys about their problems.

For example, a boy in pain will initially retreat, want to be silent and alone, acting out what Pollack calls the Timed Silence Syndrome. Recognizing the moment when a boy wants to talk is critical, Understanding the myths about boys and the boy code says, because unlike with girls, it may be a parent's one opportunity to find out what is wrong.

How to recognize signs of loneliness isolation and disconnection in your son The Timed Silence Syndrome: How boys communicate differently than girls How to handle problems with drugs, alcohol, depression, violence and divorce How to speak to a boy and discipline a boy in ways that do not involve shaming him How to recognize when a boy is ready to talk about his problems How to talk to boys about sex and sexuality How to make sports a positive experience for boys How to get boys to talk about their friends and social life Top Real Boys in School In REAL BOYS, Pollack goes into the classroom to demonstrate how boys and girls learn differently and reveals that many schools are ill-suited to the educational and behavioral needs of today's boys.

The self-esteem of young male students in incredibly fragile, even more so than that of girls.

The Boy Code

There are "different tempos" of learning between the genders - many girls prefer to learn by watching or listening, boys prefer to learn by doing. Many classrooms are not geared toward the way boys learn and as a result, a boy will act up due to boredom or restlessness and then be labeled as having a behavoiral problem, Attention Deficit Disorder ADD or hyperactivity.

The gender gap in academic performance The pros and cons of single-sex education How many schools are failing our boys Boys' specific educational needs and learning styles Through case studies, research and the voices of real boys, REAL BOYS explains the emotional, psychological, and physical needs and desires of today's boys and reveals understanding the myths about boys and the boy code parents and teachers can work together to better understand them.